And you pay for this?

Who would fly to Manchester tomorrow for fun?  Me – that’s who. It’s not as though I wasn’t nervous in the first place but somehow the Big Girl’s OE has got all a bit challenging.

How do other people do this? What was I thinking?? I am making so many lists in my head that I am not sure I will ever be able to think in a non-linear way again.

The OE for toughening up widows involves walking Wainwright’s Way across northern England from coast to coast, most likely in terrible weather with constant rain and then walking the Portuguese Camino, most likely in serious heat and carrying everything I need, and it requires a bit of figuring out in terms of gear. I’ve got the full rain suit, the full cold suit plus another whole set of gear that doesn’t include any of that. All fairly complicated.

Plus – ten days ago I discovered that the new boots I had bought that were going to carry me blisterless across fell, dale, mountain, moors and the long pilgrims’ trail, had failed!! I had worn holes in the heel linings and the stitching had come away on the top. Devastation - a total disaster – what to do when there is no time to wear in another pair of boots? I marched back to the shop (Kathmandu – so sue me!) and got a replacement pair but it’s all a bit high risk at this late stage. Do we think it’s a bad omen?? I’m trying not to think so but when you add a bomb you’ve got to wonder.

This whole plan is based around some masochistic impulse to do something hard and see how fragile I can make myself and then maybe figure out what being a widow is. Actually- it is unlikely I will figure out anything like that - I’ll probably just figure out the best food to eat, the best wine to drink and that blisters don’t seem so bad after three of those wines.

 But secretly I think I might have gone bit far this time. I just can’t imagine how I came up with this foolish plan at my age and how come all the rest of you trip round all over the place and you aren’t scared. Or is this like childbirth??- that terrible dread and knowing there is nothing you can do about it- and then when you have done it, you forget you ever thought that. What? Scared? Me??  No -no – I was looking forward to it!!  But I don’t think I can back out now. Will someone make a sacrifice to the weather gods – please!!